so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
