Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
How external is "for external use only"?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
