She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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