ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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