I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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