Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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