not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I didn't notice because vodka
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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