whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
