I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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