FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
