I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
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CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
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The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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