i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I enjoy the company of your penis
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
