just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
operation harelip BJ is a go
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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