what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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