You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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