my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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