i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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