So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize