i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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