I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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