last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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