i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
