he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
