I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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