too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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