Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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