things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
