he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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