if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so explain again why im purple
no
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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