overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize