Say something about gay babies.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
