she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
