I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
