I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
