just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
