Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
