Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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