I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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