Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
