About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
