am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
