Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
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That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
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Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
how does that bad decision feel?
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