So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
