If that was your dad, he is hot
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
