i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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