So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
