they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.