You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
