forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
