why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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