So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
