checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
