whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
