Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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