Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
