A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
