And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
