Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think my fart just growled at me.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize