Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
