This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Is it because I queefed?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
