He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
