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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I need to calm my uterus...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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