connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
