You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
