you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
