I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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