At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
