I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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