My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
